I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
