My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
