Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
