Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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