Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
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