So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you win again, gameday.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
