YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
