Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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