my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize