They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just want nice things and good sex
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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