Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
