he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
