Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
