i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I have post one night stand depression
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
