one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
