btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
