lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
