Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Never joke about your clitoris.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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