so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
