this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
