ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
