so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize