my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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