And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
No subtext here. People are naked.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
