After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
