doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We don't watch enough power rangers
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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