Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
