1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
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