my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
