just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize