Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
