Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
