nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We were destined to go to rehab together
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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