I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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