That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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