someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
