will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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