umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
