Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
