It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
