Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
