i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
