I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
