just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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