If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
