I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I got inside last night via doggy door
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
