New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
