ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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