You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
