4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I need help removing her.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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