so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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