I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
