I hate your face
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
