I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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