It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
