totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
