hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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