hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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