I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
The air taste purple.
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