I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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