ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
