pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
