throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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