It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
