so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
