I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
