Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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