Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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